Stephanie Ford • 11 min read • 12
Today’s post is through Stephanie, another Australian who has got started Russian that is learning while in Russia.
In this post she stocks about her experience as a lady dating in Russia while learning the language. That is a subject we have actually a great deal to state about myself as I’d a Russian gf within my amount of time in Kazan that we partly credit with assisting me discover the language therefore quickly (links to my tale below).
Therefore it’s interesting to listen to another perspective – especially the one that respects the original values of Russian culture. ??
Russia is portrayed towards the western as being a cool, difficult spot with a few magical architecture, array vodka shots, and a frontrunner whom dances with bears and whom, for a few unfathomable explanation, never ever wears a top.
The individuals are portrayed into the countless US movies featuring Russians as spies or users of gangs whom continue steadily to make reference to one another solely as comrade (which, incidentally, is a term that came into English through the Romance languages and it is generally not very A russian term! Whom knew?! ).
Whilst mennation it really is cool, vodka truly exists, and calendars featuring A putin that is shirtless and are not in short supply, you will find a lot of misconceptions about Russian tradition and individuals.
After residing right right here for very long sufficient to get a significant glimpse into Russian culture, here you will find the things you to know about Russia and Russians that I want:
1. The greater old-fashioned view of females that persists in Russia comes with its perks in dating (and day-to-day life)
That I do not condone any “traditional” view of women that involves domestic violence or any kind of behaviour that devalues, disrespects or degrades the importance of the woman’s free will before I get stuck into this point, I want to make it clear.
The thing I do wish to state is the fact that, as being a financially-independent Western girl, I REALLY LIKE that Russian males hold doorways available me off buses for me and help.
Do it is expected by me? No.
Does it enrage me personally whenever it can or does not take place? Not really.
Do I feel a flutter that is small of within my belly whenever my date does it? Without a doubt I Actually Do!
It’s a gesture that is respectful it implies that they’re capable of considering other people. If nothing else, that is certainly much better than having a guy yell “nice arse” at me personally from a motor vehicle…
It’s a tad bit more complicated away from the scene that is dating.
I’m grateful when a person helps me down through the coach or train. I’m Australian and I also have always been maybe perhaps not yet comfortable leaping down one thing somewhat higher than I’d so it is genuinely helpful like it to be when my landing space is covered in snow and ice.
It’s additionally heartwarming to see guys helping women with prams, shopping bags/trolleys or other things up the stairs, BUT I will admit that I’m suspicious of just just what my male 14-year-old pupils are as much as if they insist upon holding the class home available in my situation. ??
It is additionally just a little bewildering whenever a senior girl rejects my offer to aid her along with her shopping, and then accept the offer for the next male that is passing.
Russia is certainly not a impairment friendly devote numerous ways, thus I do question whether these gestures that being increasingly scrutinized into the West and called out as possibly being “sexist” are borne of prerequisite and consideration, much less due to an even more “traditional” view of females.
The point is, whenever I remember the battles with the Russians jumping off their seats to assist anyone slightly worse off than themselves, I think the West could learn a thing or two that I had with lazy/tired Melbourne workers for a train seat when I had stitches in my foot and compare it.
2. The greater conventional view of females that persists in Russia comes with its downsides in dating
Therefore, whilst I adore the doors that have exposed in my situation on the dating scene since we relocated to Russia (pun intended), we have actuallyn’t exactly gamed the machine and discovered excellence here.
There are specific expectations which come along side being a lady in Russia that I don’t always contribute to. I’m a pretty low-to-zero maintenance girl, when you look at the feeling that I don’t invest a lot of time keeping myself and my typical hairstyle is “yes, my locks happens to be washed recently sufficient after which left to its very own devices”.
I truly don’t appearance or scent I can probably be best described as plain like I spent the last three years living with Russian bears, but, compared to the effort put in by Russian women.
A number of my friends that are male times have actually brought this through to a wide range of occasions.
A few of the responses are innocuous:
“You don’t look or dress such as for instance a Russian”
Most are a tad bit more overt:
“Have you ever seriously considered having your teeth whitened? ”
But them all proof that my mindset is unquestionably a quirk that Russian men notice.
In Australia, ladies who cannot prepare or who don’t just simply take ownership of housekeeping duties aren’t likely to be ostracized these times. I’ve firsthand experience and a number of anecdotes that recommend Russian guys choose ladies who will tackle these tasks with a grin.
The guy that is russian I’ve been seeing is very happy to prepare. He actually makes me elaborate breakfasts whenever we remain.
He could be additionally a lot more than happy to just take the backseat on every single other dinner and makes a show of complimenting me personally whenever we prepare.
It’s a small Pavlovian, however for now We find it cute so no damage, no foul.
Another social huge difference that I’ve noticed is the fact that male-female friendships aren’t common. Pupils in my own classes have raised their eyebrows more often than once whenever I’ve mentioned spending some time with a friend that is male.
Navigating friendships with Russian guys is tricky because their motives are usually just a little dissimilar to your very own.
This undoubtedly exists within Western tradition, nevertheless the undertones take steroids in Russia, where wedding and young ones are hot topics between the moms and dads of solitary individuals within their twenties that are mid-to-late.